


Hells Bells

by Doc_Zed



Series: Hells Bells and Buckets of Blood [1]
Category: Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hell, Other, Profanity, Reader Death, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:54:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28200486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doc_Zed/pseuds/Doc_Zed
Summary: From fresh and ready for your job interview to falling from the air and bouncing off an inflatable dick right onto the streets of Hell, the day was not the “best day” you were expecting. It was not the best day period. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t opportunity in this literal Hell hole. Opportunity to get back to the human world that is, cause you bet your ass you are not staying here even if you have to kill a few people to get out...or scrub a few toilets...
Series: Hells Bells and Buckets of Blood [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2065833
Kudos: 8





	1. How in Hell

Alright. You’re fine. You have _got this._  
No one is more qualified for this job than _you._   
...Not very high standards, given this is a simple bag handling job at a hotel, but whatever, money is money.

You checked yourself in the mirror: Best shirt? Check. Ironed pants? Check. Hair? It was as nice as it was ever going to look. 

You gave your teeth one final look over and popped a mint in your mouth. Job interviews are said to be one of the most stressful times, but given how well you convinced your mind that this was going to be “okay” and a simple life change with lots of temporary benefits for the past forty-eight hours since you were called in for the interview, you were damn sure this would be the best day of the year...month... _ at least, week _ . But whatever. You were going to be getting a job, and with a job comes money, and with money comes whatever the hell you could possibly want (after paying off or finding a way to dodge the other necessities like buying food, clothes, paying bills..).

It’s time to head out.

You grabbed your bag, keys, all other essential on-the-go items, and even a small compact mirror (just to look over yourself more for good measures). As you grabbed another freshly printed copy of your resume and cover page, there was a knock on your door. “Great...” You muttered, putting the papers in a manilla folder and shuffled over to the door as you tried to get everything to fit into your bag. You didn’t really have time for a marketer, god forbid one of those kingdom-of-heaven-is-at-hand protestants. You would just have to rudely pass them up; no time to waste right now.

Normally, had you not been in a hurry to scurry to the interview, you would have just been really still and quiet to wait until you knew whoever was gone. Today was an exception; you were going to get that job and no one was getting in your way even if they held a gun to your head.

Swinging the door open as you got there, you didn’t even bother with eye contact. “Look, I don’t have time right now so can you just put a pause on-”

_ BLAM- _

“Sir..! How do you know that was the target?!” A small jumpy imp squeaked as he stared mortified at the taller one in the middle who just shot your brains out.

“Oh, you know, I just assumed I’d kill whatever worthless human answered the door for the hell of it- What the fuck do you think Moxxie? They were the target!” He answered pointing at your body bleeding out on the carpet you just cleaned off yesterday (and would be pissed to know it got all stained if it wasn’t your brain soiling it).

“But that was so quick! How do you know there wasn’t someone else in the house-?”

“Don’t question my deduction skills, Mox. They’re obviously the pathetic type that live in their sweatpants and eat pizza while they read sappy fanfics most days of the week. No one else lives with them and this is the address of the target. Our job here is  _ done. _ ” The imp summarized his argument up and crossed his arms triumphantly.

Moxxie’s face twisted to disturbed irritation from the lack of logic and solid facts, but the other black haired imp bounced over and pinched his cheek. “C’mon, sweetie! Blitzo knows what he’s doin’!”

Blitzo nodded and started shoving your lifeless self into a body bag willy-nilly. “And that kind of behavior is why Millie is now employee of the month!”

“That and because there are only three of us!” Moxxie barked and crossed his arms.

“I think you’re forgetting someone very valuable! Loona makes four of us- now are you going to keep being a bitchin’ little jelly bean or help me get this fuckin’ deadass in the bag?” Your body was all limp and the arm wasn’t wanting to stay fit in there, so Blitzo just snapped it at the elbow and pushed it in, tying the bag up quickly before you had a chance to (quite literally) mindlessly rebel against the actions. “See, now I’m already done. You two lazy fucks get to carry this- Come on! I don’t have time to waste; these horns aren’t going to get themselves waxed people-”

One moment you were at your doorstep and the next you were falling from the sky. You weren’t sure how this transition was made, but you flailed your arms hopelessly trying to grab whatever air you could to stop the sudden plummet. You didn’t have much time to process what your eyes were seeing, but somehow you managed to hit some sort of inflatable…phallic shaped balloon, bounce onto a canopy and roll down to land on concrete. 

The adrenaline didn’t even allow you to sit still a moment; your head popped up as suddenly as it went down. “Wh-wha-whaa-” You sputtered and turned your head in all directions. The concrete was just about the only thing you were familiar with; this place was nothing like your home. You seemed to fall from your cozy, tad disorganized personal space to this dark and saturated urban environment. “Where-”

Before you let yourself think you had to roll over one more time to avoid getting hit by a car. “Wha-!” Then there was the blaring horn of another car behind you. You rolled again, this time getting on the sidewalk, hearing the curses and profanities of whoever almost hit you pass by.

You clutched your chest and heaved as your wide eyes looked up to the dull colored sky. Your life had flashed before your eyes so many times at once you were dizzy and could feel a major headache coming on, like you were just blasted in the-

_ Wait- _

Shakily you lifted one of your hands that held to your chest-   
_ It was red... _ and more like a claw. But more than that  _ you were red. _

Your breathes became more jagged and you looked over to the giant sign right past the neon porn studio lights in front of you: “Welcome to Hell.”

“...Holy fucking shit.” You muttered and sat up.  _ “I’m in HELL?!” _ You shrieked. 

Okay, you’ve done your handful of bad acts in your life time but  _ you wound up in hell? _ There is an actual hell and you were considered “bad enough” that you wound up here? More than that,  _ you died!? How did you just die- what the fuck-? _

No...this had to be a dream. It was definitely a dream.   
You stood up slowly, almost falling but grabbed the side of the building wall for balance. “This has got to be some sort of mistake…” 

You glanced over your shoulder and noticed the weird and unnecessarily rude glances you were getting from other...demons? Swallowing some of your panting breaths and attempting to loosen your shoulders, you did what you could to “act natural.” Even if it was a very well put together and realistic feeling dream, you didn’t want to look entirely insane.

After another minute of breathing and trying to keep a steady thought, you wondered why the dream wasn’t picking up or continuing like one this caliber of crazy normally did.  _ Could it actually be..?  _   
You looked at your red-skinned arm and - as stupid as you thought needing to verify it seemed - you pinched yourself. 

_ Yep, you definitely had nerve endings... _ as if that wasn’t obvious from your aching muscles and throbbing head.

Now to just let the dread sink in.

Someone or something just killed you- blew your brains out- and for some reason you did enough “bad” to end up in hell?

Yeah, you were not going to pass that job interview...not like that was the first of your worries now.


	2. What the Hell

Apparently there is a directory to Hell. You were reading through as much of it as you could as you sat in the waiting room as opposed to the drug magazine. It took you some hours, (but they felt all jumbled together given your thoughts had been racing) but you found a torn up and dated looking city map and managed to maneuver your way to the “Official Consultation Office of Hell.” 

It mentioned in the directory that they could look into why you ended up here, and that is really what you needed at this point. Even if this isn’t where you thought you would be going when you left your house (if you even passed the threshold of the door) at least you were ready. You had caught your reflection in some windows...you were entirely different: red skin, tail, horns...it was a lot to take in at once, but you still had a disconnecting disaccositating feeling to everything around and about you. The only thing that stayed constant about you were the clothes you were wearing and the bag you somehow managed to bring with you. Odd and unexplainable as that was...you weren’t complaining of course.

After you got in and signed in with the rather uncaring employee at the front, you took a seat far away from the other small handful of demons inside (a little awkwardly too, not being used to a tail). You had to completely figure out how to hold your head up, even if the horns you had we’re very big, they still did a number on your balance and center.

And that’s how you got where you were...forty-five minutes later, sifting through the directory to Hell, and still waiting. Two of the others in the waiting room left in a huff and made sure to slam the door loudly in distaste.

All in all, you weren’t too surprised at the businesses and places the directory had, from the Devil’s Diner to 666 News, it all seemed about right and fit the image of what Hell was. You admit, you were expecting something a little more...like Dante’s Inferno or something, not this... _ modern. _ But there was just as much screaming, misery, fire, and chaos as imagined, just all taken in with different energies. It was a city but with every bad element of a city maxed out to its worse. And the stereotypes say New York City is bad…

For as long as these people were taking on the appointment, you decided to steal their directory. It’s not like anyone else would rather read it over the sex magazine or the drug times. As you finished stuffing the said directory in your bag, your name actually got called. You popped up quickly, noticing the entire waiting room was now empty save for you. 

“Alright, right this way…” The tired looking demon lady gave you a look head to toe trying to figure out what to call you but just settled with, “whatever you are.”

Rather than try to fix the rude comment, you thought to just follow. You wanted answers, cause you still weren’t exactly convinced this was real. You didn’t  _ want _ to believe it was real. 

“Get in the room. Mr. Miser’s already in there.” She said with a dead-bored tone.

“Right, thank you…” You said, keeping your manners about you, in hell or not...not that the demon lady even gave any care.

When you got in the office, sure enough there was a...multiple armed demon there? You weren’t too sure what he was…but he was surrounded by file cabinets, papers, and about four different computers. “Well, come on in, buttercup, take a seat, take a seat-” One of the many arms pushed you in as the other held a seat for you as you fell and pulled you right up and over to the desk. You stiffly went along with this, trying not to make a startled peep. “You’re the reason I didn’t get to leave early today so spit it out, what's the issue?” 

You opened your mouth a little to try to get one word out, but the rapid speaking demon hushed you again. “Name first, y/n l/n.”

You blinked as he...literally  _ just said your name _ . “..Ah...y/n l/n..” You told him, though it sounded more like a question. 

“Alright, okay- And what brings you here today?” Mr. Miser said as he typed up something on the keyboard in front of him looking at the first monitor but then glanced over to the second one and back over to you. “Oh, you just arrived here in Hell? Welcome, welcome-” 

“Yeah…” You muttered. Maybe you shouldn’t even talk…

“You’re probably wondering why you’re here then, aren’t you?” Mr. Miser nodded before you even said a ‘yes.’ Snapping his neck into an inhuman position to look at the third monitor he hummed. “Well, let’s take a look, because I can assure you no matter what you're thinking about this being a mix up, it’s not.” 

How reassuring.   
“I don’t understand why I would have ended up here thou-”

“Hush, hush, hushhh…” He interrupted you, sticking out a cold and bony finger, pressing it against your lips. “No one gives a sard about your feelings on the matter, okay?” 

You furrowed your brows. Wasn’t it literally his job to care?

“Okay! Well it looks like you were a rotten little bugger growing up…accounts of bullying, profanities, minor theft...lots of cheating. Wow, your entire education cheated, how about that-”

“Why would that be bad enough to get sent to Hell over!?” You cut him off mainly out of irritation. Yes, you were not the best child and  _ yes... _ you had done all of those things, and you were not going to try to deny them in front of this guy who...somehow had all this information in front of him, but  _ still- _

“If you could just hold your tongue and not be a rude little queynte that interrupts me every couple seconds that would be greeeeat.” Mr. Miser said with a rather strained smile that read ‘murder.’ That was literally the first time you even really got a full fluent thought out, but you guess you didn’t have to talk the rest of the time now…especially not if he was using words you didn’t understand but knew they were likely meant in offense.

“As I was going to say before I was very un-thoughtfully thrown off, due to your past of being an annoying and crude gnashbab, you’ve acquired an accumulation of curses on your name, and one too many curses adds up to make some nasty hexs.” He turned the second monitor over to you and hit the down arrow key, holding it as a list of curses scrolled by. “Wow, you really decided to piss off the wrong witchy muckspouts!”

You watched the list scroll by, occasionally catching a name or two familiar to you. Your face twisted with disbelief. “..I’ve been cursed  _ that much?” _

“That much effectively!” He said with an upbeat tone. “I’m sure others were made by less competent but still as hateful jobbernowls, but not quite executed correctly, thus not put on record. You should have known not to get caught, fopdoodle.”

You gave ‘ye olde worlde’ swearer a glare, but didn’t say anything more, just slumped and gave a sigh. _You really did mess up…_   
But there was still one question in mind, if this is really how your life is going to be now- “Who did me in? Why…?” You asked out loud not really knowing you said so until it left your mouth.

“That, I can’t confirm for you.” Mr. Miser answered you not missing a beat, as he turned his monitor back in place and used two of his many other hands to straighten out his desk area. “‘Who’ could be anyone, and ‘why’ could be for any reason or wrongdoing, but I  _ do know _ you were shot point blank in the head and your brains went kablooey all over the floor! So whoever wanted you dead wasted no time getting you in that state.”

You swallowed and looked down. This was just...a lot to take in at once. Reality was now crashing in on you; this was a nightmare you weren’t going to wake up from. 

After another moment of just letting you sit there, the Miser popped up. “Alright! You’re now officially wasting my time, lollipop! C’mon, hop-hop! Out my office!” He said standing you up and tossing the chair away so quickly you almost got whiplash. “I know this is all too shocking - why, you’ve basically been bamboozled! - but I’m just here to tell you about your death; no one is actually here to console you.”

“W-wait-!” You stammered, snapping out of your haze if only for a moment. “Can you tell me somewhere I can stay?”

“A hotel, sweetums, where else?” He said and was all too eager to push you out of his office, him right behind you as his hands moved all over to turn off, shut down, and unplug everything in his office. “Look, I wouldn’t help you even if I did have the time, but I really don’t have the time, so if you excuse me- Time is money, and money is not or spending frivolously. Toodles.”

And with that, he was off, locking the door behind him and left right through the window. You leaned over the window sill, and...he was just walking down the building casually.    
Okay...okay, that was probably normal here-

You were left there...in the building. Alone. Not even the grouchy helper or nonchalant front desk person were in sight.

Well, at least you could sleep here in the waiting room for tonight.   
But now you’re on your own. In Hell.

_ Stupid witch cursing bitches-  _


End file.
